The
two-year-old within me is alive and well, despite 40+
intervening years. At first, I learned some basic motor
skills that let me control things. I
discovered I could hold and drop objects at will. Before
long I learned other skills (tantrums and strong-willed
defiance) that let me control people. I got my
way (often) and I've enjoyed the feeling ever
since.
I'm
much more subtle these days. No crying fits, and much
less pouting. I don't make nearly as many scenes in
shopping centers, and I rarely stomp my feet.
But
the two-year-old is alive and well within me - and
possibly within you,
too.
Willfulness
- wanting and demanding that our will be done - is a
symptom of our fallenness. And the implications for our
lives, and especially our spiritual journey, run
deep.
When
Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, "Nevertheless
not my will be done, but Thine" (Lk 22.42), it sounded
like the words of defeat. "All is lost. I can't get my
way; so, I guess You win." Instead, He repeated the
theme of His life, with words that open the door to real
vitality. His life, contrary to ours, had modeled this
truth constantly.
Earlier
in His ministry, He taught His disciples to pray, "Thy
will be done on earth as it is in heaven" (Matt
6.10). But it's no simple prayer. The journey from
"My will" to "Thy will" is no Sunday-afternoon
stroll.
Our
willfulness expresses itself in so many ways - anger
when our plans are threatened or thwarted, manipulation
of others to get what we want, and harsh penalties for
failed goals. Ironically, even high levels of
self-discipline can be directly related to willfulness,
unless we harnass it to build relationships. The
two-year-old rules us - until we surrender
everything to God.
Of
course, we may "surrender" simply as a means to get what
we want! Such claims or affirmations can be subtle
ways to "succeed" or even to tacitly manipulate
God. We may agree to "surrender" so that we get what we
can't get any other way.
But
the surrender that finally causes the two-year-old to
grow up, is the surrender of "no conditions." It's the
willingness (not willfullness) to lose
everything (including reputation and status)
because of love - His love. None of us surrenders
anything willingly for a lesser motive. And herein
perhaps lies a clue as to why we remain so determined
and aggressive in life.
Our
occasional prayer is "Thy will be done" but our
common desire is "My will be done." Those of us in
Christian leadership may have the deepest reflection to
do at this point. Do we ultimately lead for Him or for
ourselves? Is our drivenness and competitiveness a
symptom of a surrendered life or the persistent
two-year-old within us?
We
might only imagine the utter transformation that genuine
maturity might make in our marriages and
ministries.
May
we discover the glorious freedom that comes from His
control rather than our own.